Deep Shit I've Written

1. Where to Hide (Colleen's story)
2. Vampires of Life (for Tanya, a wild Aussie)*
3. Reality (for Colleen..the beginning of lustful sins..)*
4. Survivor (sequel to Vampires, -she came back for more)*
5. Ode to Mama (mothers day mantra for my mom)
6. Resonance (B-day for Cheryl)
7. June 1993 (B-day for Debbie)*
8. Time (wedding words for my cousin)
9. Two Cats (two friends with a communication problem)
10. Speed (the day i quit a 5 month speed binge)*
11. Smile (a nurse that was there for me)
12. Beth (a young thing during the blizzard of '96)
13. Reflection (Little Debbie turns 30 [7/96])
14. When Galaxies Collide (for Colleen) I'll never have enough

...where to hide?

 Where do you hide the pain? Where do you let it out?
I see you from time to time and watch you juggle a
thousand emotions with just one tear. How do you fall
down, what gets you back up? The Rock of Gibraltar,
the flower of love, the silent screams of a tormented heart,
the kindness of a thousand souls.

 So cool, you amaze the soul without it knowing. A watchful
ear. Lost souls will seek you out and tell you of there sins,
leaving with a feeling of renewal. But do they ask
"what of you?"

 The gift of giving, a pain reliever in it's own right. But
how long can one give, before that too, is a pain. The little
one can give you bits and pieces back, but what about the rest?
How do you fill the empty spaces? Perhaps you let a little torment
hang in the balance, to drive you on, to keep you from looking back.

I'll walk the tunnels with you, for as long as you wish. And fill
a few spaces along the way. For I too, am a lost soul, seeking relief.
And I'll try to give, and not take. For you have been there all these
years, listening to my silent cries from afar,
listening to them here. And yes, I'll never forget you.



                  gregory alexander poulos

Vampires of Life


She walks through the ages with little effort..
Passionate of what she is, angry for what shez never had..
The world is her play toy to do as she chooses..
a grand game of discipline and intellect, she tempts herself
constantly to keep herself in check. ..searching all the while
for reassurance of the ideals she breaths..for the others that
do the same..

How rare is it that one learns from the pains of Life seemingly
more so than its pleasures.. To take the torments of all youtouch 
and use them for good surely is a talent left only to mortalgods.. 
Walking the Earth, silently spreading your magic, giving Life
where the once was none, yet almost never receiving the credit due
her..ahh, but could the secret  that stems from such a gift be
all that is needed to balance this delicate act?? I often think so.

Why is it that the beauty and grace for which we live, must extract
such a heavy toll on our emotional base...on our personal Life force?
Must the gift of giving seemingly always end in pain?? Perhaps such self
awareness comes with this price..after all, such power must be kept in
the balance, lest the giver be consumed with greed..

For when will the day come when such mortals can walk the Earth with
the recognition they so desire..? Perhaps this time has already passed..
Perhaps, now, their children stay incognito and work their magic in
silence..knowingst only to others of their kin, to avoid being burned at
the stake again..

 And yet we are always left to ask,

  "What is it that I stand on, when the world is upon my shoulders..?"

   	                     gregory alexander poulos

Reality..



Reality. A place where clouds fly.
Where the light shines on the good, as well the sad.
A place where the pains of yesterday live on in memory.
Where the loves of tomorrow will be.

A place where the Tunnel Walkers sometimes appear.
Where Life, keeps a somewhat rhythmic beat.
Come walk the tunnels with me, to the edge of the Universe.
And we'll swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh, together.
Fret not of Reality, for Reality is a just a lonely place,
hidden, inside our fantasies.

                       gregory alexander poulos

Survivor


Belly full with her gifts of friendship. A curious one she iz..
Her thread through life has made her a survivor, -a crafty one at that..
She paints a beautiful picture, but sheds tears behind the canvas.
So tiring is it, to be one of natures survivors.. Courageous and beautiful
on the outside, wondering when its all going stop on the inside.
 
Always in search of who to share the torch with, who to pass it to when
the time comes.. and perhaps sometimes, who to burn with it..
 
It seems the survivor most always has its youth robbed blind, by
that twisted hand of fate. The reward, for such a heinous crime? A gift
beyond compare.. In what seems like moments, the fabric of Life unfolds
before us. Why even a few threads are handed, to allow us to toy
with our own fate. ..If only this gift gave us the power to see the hand.
 
And now you dance to the lullaby of Time, soaking up the essence of all
around you. Casually tasting every concept, weather good or bad.. hoping
not to be engulfed by the awesome power that you posses...
 
As you wander through Time nudging fate the way you do, remember all the
shoulders, big and small, that brought you to your current state of
being... remember the ones that stand upon your own..and be careful not
to trip over the sleepwalkers...For their presence is as just as yourz..
 
                 ..Carrying this dam torch has its rewards, i guess.


                                   gregory alexander poulos

...for my Mom, 1996

Years past and only now do I treasure what I've always had..
On my way to you today I passed the cemetery as I usually do without
any thoughts for the people who live there..

But today as I passed, I cried. I cried uncontrollably. I cry now.
For as I passed I saw hundreds of people, hundreds, visiting their
mothers..their mothers..amazing, this never occurred to me. -and so many
flowers, so many.

I cried because of the love that I saw in all their faces, in their hearts
and in the air. -and in the same instance, I cried for the sorrow and pain
they must endure, for they can hold their mothers only in their hearts, and
in their memories.. I wept miserably as I past, for I was on my way to see
you, to talk to you, to be, with you. -Something they now only dream of. I
felt guilty. But why?

..And as I traveled further, in but a flash, almost unconsciously, emotions
bear down on me of all that you've done, all we've been through, of the
love that is you...of the love that you've given me, ..of your love that has
made me.. How could I have been so selfish to think all this time "I" made
me what I am.. What greed. Such a fool.

I cried even more..so many memories suddenly became relevant and suddenly
had true meaning.. for it is you who has been there through every tragedy and
through every triumph. For it has been you who has fought so hard, and 
sacrificed so much, so that I may have food in my belly, clothes on my back, 
a clean bed to sleep in...an education to grow upon.. for it is only you
who calls just to see how I'm feeling, if I'm eating well, and are my 
clothes clean..and who asks nothing in return if but to say "I love you too"
Only you..

 -God why does it take the loss others for us to cherish what we have?
Why?

My tears became tears of joy, uncontrollable joy.. For I am on my way to
see my mom, to honor her strength and love for life..her love of me.
To cherish who she is. To cherish what I have. But again, in the same
instance, I cry for the mothers in the cemetery, for their children and for
their loved ones. God do I cry.

For without you, I would have never known these words, -these emotions.

I only hope in the years to come, I too will obtain your unconditional love
of life, and for the ones I'll call my own.

 -God do I cherish what I have..

 I love you mom.
                                      Happy Mothers Day

                                gregory alexander poulos

..resonance


 You, the one with the child in her eyes..
 Sees Life with such innocence..
 The wisdom that is you, trembles with anticipation..
 The one that you bring up, shines of your youth..
 Your soulmate, glows of your charisma..
 The world around you, is as one..
 Harmonized with the Universe, you sing across the land..
 For You, the peaceful one, will be, forever young..


                        ...gregory alexander poulos

 June 1993

 

 Charisma, lust for life, love for the word, love of the physique..
 You are of those that achieve greatness in so many ways..
 Of those that shed there tears to no one, yet would give there life
 to the one soulrunner who would treat them as an Equal, is you.

 Deviously delicious and playfully erotic, -facets of your persona that
 are so real, fall upon the blind eyes of the masses.. Their loss is my
 gain, for you hold such a flavor for Life, you inspire me beyond even
 your own imagination.. You give me life in so many ways, with such little
 effort..

 Fighting an uphill battle with society, the one you raise in your
 likeness will be as feisty as you, so long as you can bear to live with
 yourself..

 On your day of Life, Shine as you always do, Live as you always will.
 For you are the thing Dreams are made of.


               		  Gregory Alexander Poulos

Time


 Time. It allows us to Live all the flavors of Life to their fullest.

 Unknown to you, you are a part of my foundation..
 As kids, we played as Gods ruling Worlds in the games we played..
 You taught me respect for Life..
 You showed me how things work..
 You fired my passion for the Sciences..
 You gave me peace of Soul.

 For you have given me the ability to see the good in all..
 ..And temper my actions with thought.

 'Tis amazing what kids learn from the games they play..

 Time has done you well. For you have found your one Soulrunner.
 -The missing piece of your Life.

 I know the one you have chosen will be loved like no other.
 For you and the one you love will Live in chorus for all Time..
 -For all to cherish.

 The one that walks by your side will truly be a Goddess.


                        May this joining stand the test of Time..
                     ..And may all your Passions Live forever.


                          gregory alexander poulos

Two Cats



      Silent dreams spoken aloud,
      to the stranger in the crowd..
      ..It seems all to clear,
      ..Conflict is what you fear...
      Would it be for this small ideal,
      ...A love you'll never feel.
      You had it once. You can have it again.

       Break thru your steadfast reservations..
       And make some Noise. Use tact, skill and love.
       Reason, is your best offense. Use it wisely.
       Use It.

     ..Perhaps once again, the two cats..
      Will Live as One.


                      gregory alexander poulos

May 15, 1993  1:32pm


   ..spoken with emotion, a tear, and a smile

speed'll make ya ugly,
speed'll make ya sin.
speed'll make ya laugh,
speed'll make ya grin.
speed'll make ya think, and think again.
speed'll make ya grind yer teeth into little pins..
speed'll make you think your right.
speed'll get ya in fight.
speed'll make ya feel on top of the world..
speed'll make your world tumble to the ground.
speed'll make you think your progressing,
..all the while everyone else sees you degressing
you know not why, everyone is an asshole..
but when you look in the mirror, the lines you see, are all to clear,
..ah but I'll just roll out the night, and tomorrow will be better..
I know, -I'll just write her a letter.
But weeks pass, and months go by.
All the while the lines get thicker.
Everyone is against me, yet I know not why..
..and neither do they.
You continue to live in accelerated exztasy, learning, all there is to
learn. As others watch life pass you by. He's brilliant, courageous, a
lover of life. Yet now he shuts out the world in favor of an inner mind..
So lonely is he.
The world goes by.
You've reduced yourself to a curiosity in the back of everonez mind.
He was a Great man, but now he reads himself blind. Sucking in the
knowledge of others, but not knowing how to apply..
the wisdom, the charisma, the love.. that seems to pass him by..
A tear is drawn to my eye, for as I write this.. I now know why, others see
me passing life by.. I, an emotional fool beyond all knowledge, Love
Life greater than the Gods will ever know.. If I could only focus..
All my dreams ARE reality.. I live to please the world.. Ah the rush I get
from giving..
The tears flow with ease now, as well they should. I think I'll take a
deep breath now, and live Life as I would.. Living in cliché is not for
me.. ..and neither is living in the past.. I'll watch the world with open
eyes, and give all can.
But never again, will I watch the lines in the mirror, separate me, from
the ones I love.


                               gregory alexander poulos

Smile


Thank you for your kind eyes and warm soul..
For your spirit has guided me through another of Life's trials..
I have drawn from you, the energy and wisdom needed 
to soar once again..

For in the future, should you break a wing or lose your mind,
and need a shoulder to lean on while you mend, I will be here
in body and in spirit, to help you fly again..

For birds of a similar feather..


                 gregory alexander poulos

Beth



Where do i begin..

She has such power, equal to my own.. A force I've never felt
Yet she is so fragile..
We tremble in anticipation..in fear.. ..of the passion. 
Such a fine line separates total passion, with total disaster..
And these roads we've walked before..these are the roads littered 
with the emotional wreckage of our past loves, our past desires, our 
broken dreams..

..Do we dare risk it?? 

Do we DARE to lose what we have sought so long to feel??
How does one know when to take the final step..??
So many times we have built our house of cards, only to have it 
come crashing down upon us.. So many times..
And each time we say, "but I know now, and this will never happen
again" ..but will it?

Danger has never tasted so good..and to dance the dance of Life 
with a soul such as hers, ahh..it would surely be worth the risk.. Wouldn't it??
Already she has evolved me..and for this alone i will love her to the end of time..
But is she ready to do the same?

Why do we, the strong ones, always have a trail of broken dreams behind us..?
Why are we left to cry alone, in the dark? Why must WE be the strong ones?
How is that all tears fall upon us, but ours fall nowhere??
All have a shoulder to lean on, but we have none..
Why are we never alone, but alone all the time..
For who has worked this dark trick upon us so that we may have 
the insight and knowledge to guide ourselves to greatness, but also, to guide 
ourselves to death, ..with equal passion?
And yet for all our strength, we shutter at the thought of finally having a 
shoulder strong enough to lean on..

Yess..we've walked the walk, but do we dare do it together?

                        gregory alexander poulos

Reflection


You look upon yourself with a critical eye, thru the glass of wisdom, 
in hopes to find your marks in the timeline...

Gather up all your goals, your high expectations, put them under a 
looking glass, to see if you've gotten close. -To see if you were even 
on the right track..what an icky task you inherit on your 30th..

Such an exquisite creature..still flowering thru trying times, still 
passionate in your endeavors to taste all the flavours of Life. 
Your dreams are slowly becoming reality..you are slowly becoming a dream..	
I implore you to let go of it all. let your hair down and kick off your shoes. 
Let Life poke between your toes, let it taste your desires.. You have 
all to gain and none to lose.  Time has given you the wisdom to temper 
it all. You will not lose the respect you've fought so long to build.. 
You'll not lose anything, -except the experience.

So come on, kick off your jammies and have some fun. Fret not of what 
others think of you.. -so long as you are good in your heart, all will 
fall into place rather nicely.. Look at all you've accomplished thus 
far, you should be proud. I watch in envy as you forge your road thru 
Life..if your next thirty are as good as the first..you have much to 
look forward to. 

Paint your picture with all the nuance that is you, -try broad stokes, 
skinny strokes, lots of colour and plain ones too.. you have an admirer 
that will always be there to help fill the buckets when there're empty.. 
be a sounding board to your thoughts..and a shoulder to lean on 
when the sun don't shine.. I will always be, for your reflection, 
as you are to me..

Happy three-O Debbie,     love gregO

                              gregory alexander poulos

When Galaxies Collide

...When Galaxies Collide 

Euphoria.  I lust for it.
I left with a fever again.  God I needed it.  This kind of addiction I can
abuse forever.. Her gentle kisses, easy smile, her warm embrace.  She is
like a warm sun on a cold winter day, filling the void in my heart when we
kiss.
Fulfilling my passion we touch..

How I live with such voids is beyond me.  Yet when we go back to Reality, all
is as if it never were.  Strangely, I savor the torment absence creates as
much as the rush of Euphoria she gives me when we meet.  For without one, 
the other would never exist.

What is it that you posses, that comes so naturally, that makes me dizzy with
emotion..?  Hope I never find out.  I'm Hoping, you'll never tell...  Your
wordless emotion says all..  So powerful, so divine.  Perhaps a day will come
when we will live in Reality.  On that day, the World, will see what it is
like, When Galaxies Collide.








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